The film’s opening image is a shot of space; so ok, I’m on board. It’s all evocative of adventure and unlimited possibility and whatnot, not a bad choice for an adventure movie. But then the space ship flies into frame, and five seconds in we’re already introduced to this movie’s problem; it has no fucking clue what the hell it wants to be. This is a space ‘ship’, but it is also a literal ship, as in sailing ship, as in why is there a sailing ship in space?? The ship does incorporate futuristic elements such as ‘solar sails’ and aliens but that does not change the fact that it is a ship in space. I get the feeling that Disney was torn between telling the classic nautical tale of treasure island and going off on their own tangent with a more altered story in full on SPACE mode, both of which could theoretically work, but because they never pick a side it makes for a very confused film. This is a thing that will keep happening.
BUT we all forget about the weird-ass ship because all of a sudden there are PIRATES and honestly, who gives a crap about anything making sense when you could be watching pirates? No one who hasn’t yet murdered their inner child, that’s who. So the pirates are led by Flint who is feared throughout the land, and he and his crew attack the ship but HOLY SHIT a child the size of Godzilla appears??? It turns out that this whole adventure has been a children’s book all along and Flint and his crew are the mere playthings of that most vicious of beasts; a five year old child. This child goes by the name of Jim and unless you haven’t guessed yet he is our HERO. Jim’s mom comes in and tells him to go the fuck to sleep, I mean god can’t she have a moment NOT spent wiping the drool off some proto-human’s face? But Jim is SO into these pirates you guys, if he doesn’t get to finish this book he is just gonna straight up EXPLODE. So they read the book together and it tells us that Flint stole the treasure and then vanished, stashing it in a mysterious place called ‘Treasure Planet’ (title drop!). Then Jim’s mom says it’s time for this little spacer to go to bed and WAIT WHAT? Spacer? Really???
Ok real talk; if you are making up names for shit you are playing a dangerous game. It is really easy for made up names to sound stupid. Think of all those fantasy books you read as a kid. Now think of how many bullshit made up words that they had in them. It was really distracting right? Stuff like Tolkien’s names work because that man was a linguist and the Lord of the Rings was basically his fanfiction for his own made-up language so A. he knew how to make that shit sound convincing because he knew how real grammar and languages tended to work and B. he spent a crazy amount of time making everything phonetically resonate so all the names felt like they came from a cohesive world. Believe it or not words and languages tend to have rules so when you pull some random word out of your ass people can tell. NOW this being said ‘spacer’ isn’t exactly the worst example out there, it could have been so, so much worse because at least it makes sense. But I repeat, really? They’re already riding in old-school ships anyways, why not just stick with sailor? The biggest problem here is that because the title sounds so ridiculous I am taken out of the story and instead of focusing on Jim’s adorable bonding scene with his mommy I am trying to figure out how I can track down the person who came up with the term ‘spacer’ so I can exact my pound of flesh. MOVING ON.
We smash cut to twelve years later and guess what guys Jim has become a TOTAL REBEL. He has a COOL haircut with a COOL leather jacket and he is surfing on an AWESOME solar surfer aka extreme sport analogue and he is doing dangerous stunts because he is a RISK TAKER who doesn’t play by anyone’s rules and have we appealed to you yet teenager demographic? Should we have thrown a few ‘radical’ ‘s in there? We should’ve, shouldn’t we. We’re still hip right??? The problem here is that by throwing in everything considered cool at the time the film is immediately dated, but OH SNAP because Jim just got caught by THE MAN. We smash cut again to the Benbow inn and Jim’s mom is at the edge of her rope with all these goddamn customers, I mean jesus lady is that juice you want from the fountain of youth or something? CALM YOUR TITS. We are introduced to Doctor Delbert Doppler and he is a dog and also a man and also an alien because Disney decided these aliens didn’t have to make any goddamn sense. But dogs are cool, so all is forgiven.
Then the door opens and we see that Jim has been arrested! The cops explain that Jim has violated his probation and when they can’t remember what clause he has violated Jim tells them because he has done this so many times before, it’s like, whatever. So here’s the skinny; if Jim screws up ONE more time his rebel ass is off to juvie ‘cause he is a dead-end LOSER. This sets up our ‘fear’ for him; we are worried that he is going to end up a dead-beat criminal because honestly Jim is a cool dude so we don’t want to see him in the slammer right? Delbert is mistaken for Jim’s father but it is established he is not because EW but this begs the question where is Jim’s father? For the answer stay tuned for coming attractions! Afterwards Jim’s mom tries to get through to him about his shenanigans while he helps her clean up because Re: cool dude but Jim is just un-a-vailable. His mom is worried Jim is throwing away his future but Jim says ‘what future?’ BURN. Am I sensing this is going to be Jim’s arc? Yes this is going to be Jim’s arc.
Then Jim goes to the roof to sulk because of course he does and he overhears his mom talking about how messed up he’s been since SPOILER ALERT: his dad left. So this is Jim’s ‘ghost’, or hang-up; he has daddy issues. I am actually pretty impressed that Disney had the Dad leave instead of just killing him off, and by making it his choice to leave it makes the loss more impactful. But somebody must’ve heard it was call to adventure time because all of a sudden a spaceship crashes right in front of the inn and when Jim rushes to help he meets BILLY BONES. Now let me be clear; this is not, I repeat, not Treasure Island. As with any adaption it has to change to work with the new medium, and needs to stand alone from the original work. So what I’m saying is that we’ll be looking at this as a stand alone film, not from a ‘but in Treasure Island it was different!!!’ standpoint. However in Treasure Island it was different. Remember just now when I said I wouldn’t compare this to Treasure Island? I LIED. The thing is originally there is a lot more build-up to the pirates. Billy bones is established as a weirdo creeper so when people start coming around and scaring him we all go ‘oh shit, who is so goddamn creepy that they are creeping out this creeper?’ It works really well for setting up Silver as a bad ass, and also Blind Pew is just literally the worst/best. However here we see Billy about five seconds before he tells Jim to watch out for cyborgs and dies, so we never really get that build-up. Couldn’t we have done the development of Billy and the pirates side by side with Jim’s character establishment? Wouldn’t that have taken the exact same amount of time while also developing the pirates more and maybe avoiding some of the ‘edgy’ clichés? But it is still a wtf and creepy scene, so it works.
Like I said Jim takes Billy to the inn where he promptly tells Jim to ‘beware the cyborg’ before buying the farm right on the new rug. RUDE. Jim opens Billy’s chest because he is apparently playing by Skyrim rules which means it is time to loot that shit and finds a mysterious golden orb. But guess what it is time for more pirates! The pirates come and break into the inn looking for Billy, and apparently they are playing by Skyrim rules too because when they see the treasure is gone they start smashing things up looking for that shit, so Jim and crew decide it is time to peace the fuck out. They escape the pirates but the inn burns to the ground, which means Jim’s old way of life is officially history and now there is NO TURNING BACK. That my friends is what you call an inciting incident.
So Jim and the peeps go back to crash at Delbert’s place and while they are there Jim starts messing with the weird orb thing and WHAT NOW it is a map??? A map…to TREASURE PLANET! Also the map is in 3d because did you know we can do 3d now so we better put it in EVERYTHING. Apparently Jim is the only one who can open the map because he is so smart but it is only mentioned he is smart once and we are never shown any examples of this? We’ll come back to that later. Anyways OF COURSE they want to go after the treasure because TREASURE and also they can rebuild then inn with it? Maybe? I dunno I was too busy being distracted by the prospect of TREASURE. However Jim’s mom is not a fan of this plan because, you know, murderous pirates but whatever mom didn’t you get the memo that Jim is a rebel? I thought we went over that. Jim tells her that he knows he’s screwed up and that this is his chance to make things right, so this lets us know what our hope is for him; we hope that he will get the treasure and also turn his life around, because like I said the slammer is for losers. Jim’s mom relents because hell, it’s not like he can become even more of a douche right? Time for him to be someone else’s problem for once, Hall-e-lujah, which means that Jim is off to the SPACEPORT.
Welcome to Act 2 bitches! We pan from Delbert’s window to the spaceport in one continuous shot and I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty sweet. However we get even more of the weird 1800s/future mash up, which is not sweet (team 1800’s ftw! Get out of here team future). Jim and Delbert arrive at the ship which is this time called the R.L.S. Legacy which feels like an unnecessary name change when we are still pretty much in the 1800s even if we are is space, I mean I’m pretty sure Hispaniola is still a thing. But that’s not really a big deal, especially because the new name is a literature joke and the quickest way to my heart is to give me really nerdy lit jokes (incase anyone needed some Christmas ideas. JUST SAYIN).
They board the ship and the first thing they run into is an alien that speaks exclusively in farts. This brings us to ‘film having no fucking clue what it wants to be’ problem number TWO: it cannot seem to pick a single tone. This is a film with some relatively dramatic shit, what with murders and father issues and morally ambiguous villains (SPOILERS), but when you’re trying to create a sense of awe and beauty when you step onto the ship it kind of kills that awe to have a giant slug literally farting around. Humor and drama can work together, even enhance each other (remember in Fullmetal Alchemist when we were all laughing and having fun as the main character played around and joked with a little girl and her dog? Wasn’t it all the more fucked up when that girl and dog were MURDERED?), however it is a delicate balance and when the humor is so low brow and ridiculous it kind of takes away from the scene when you switch gears and try to be serious all of a sudden. But again, MOVING ON.
We meet Captain Amelia and her first mate Mr. Arrow, and since Amelia is a female character in a work of fiction she of course has a romantic subplot with Delbert. That’s just the law guys. But it turns out she is also AWESOME and is totally un-im-pressed with this crew. Right before Delbert is about to spill the beans on this whole map deal she takes him and Jim aside and gives them the low down; this crew is just the worst and they can’t trust them as far as they can throw them which is probably not far at all because some of these guys are literal rocks (yes Arrow is a good guy, but there’s still that four armed dude; I’d like to see you try and shot-put that brute). So the captain decides to lock up the map for safe keeping and she also decides it is time for Jim to learn the value of hard work through the glory that is MANUAL LABOR. This is why she makes him work under the cook who’s name is…LONG JOHN SILVER! He’s kind of a big deal. Probably because he is our VILLAIN. We know he is a villain because he is a CYBORG and even though Silver is all friendly and schmoozy Jim just does not trust this guy! Probably because he is a cyborg and Jim has sworn vengeance on all cyborgs ever. BUT despite neither of them wanting to work together they still have to because ORDERS. This brings us to the film’s most interesting change: THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SILVER AND JIM.
Now in any adaption of Treasure Island the core of the story is Silver and Jim, but in most versions Jim is a bare-bones P.O.V. character who gets to witness Silver being a total BADASS. HOWEVER in Treasure Planet this is not so; here Jim has an actual arc with an actual backstory, and the film’s Silver is changed to fit this. Because in this version they become *drumroll* SURROGATE FATHER AND SON?! And also it kind of totally works?! Granted if you are a DIEHARD fan of the original book it may throw you off because this is just not the same Silver, but if you can look past this I actually feel this is the film’s most successful aspect. Old-school Treasure Island doesn’t really have much in the way of character development or arcs, it’s just a bunch of people going on WHACKY ADVENTURES. Granted those adventures are AWESOME and some of the best constructed action stuff EVER but if you’re looking for character development it’s not really there because no one really changes. I mean maybe Jim a little? But we know we’re not in it for the Jim (we are in it for the SILVER). This is also a very fitting arc because even in the original book Jim’s father dies? So he was kind of primed for abandonment issues to begin with. By adding the element of Jim and Silver being BEST BROS it also makes Silver’s betrayal all the more impactful, because now not only is Jim going to be betrayed by someone who may kill him but that someone is his FOSTER DADDY? Call the psychiatrists because whoever lands this kid is going to be set up FOR LIFE.
Also this is Disney so we are contractually obligated to have WHACKY SIDE CHARACTERS and this time we get a floating hunk of Peptobismol called MORPH. Originally when watching this film I really hated Morph, but upon re-viewing it I have realized that I still really hate Morph. But he is actually not as bad as he could have been, because at least he serves some purpose in that he is Silver’s pet and like someone who owns a mutated rat-dog in his owner’s eyes he is just THE BESTEST, CUTEST THING EVER, common sense be damned! This will be relevant later.
Then it is time to launch the ship and WHOOOOOAAAA we are kicking the 3d TO THE MAX. Like most of the scenes this actually looks PRETTY SWEET however the pretty is kind of ruined when a whale barfs onto Delbert’s face. You just can’t keep that quirky low-brow tone down! Now that we are in SPACE we get back to what we all really wanted to see, that MANUAL LABOR! Jim is swabbing the deck but the rest of the crew won’t let him play in their reindeer games! They are all whispering off by themselves and when Jim tries to listen in they tell him to BACK OFF, GOD! This causes Jim to get into a FIGHT with a guy named Scroop who plays the role of Hands here. Scroop is about to own Jim’s ass when all of a sudden Silver knocks him into next week! Arrow comes to break up the fight and Scroop wants to own his ass too (he is an ass collector I guess) but Silver gives him a look which says ‘OH HEEELL NO GURL’ and Scroop backs off. Now Scroop is a creeper so Silver being able to cow him means Silver must be some kind of badass new god, so we get a bit of that buildup I was whining about earlier. So yay!
Afterwards Silver asks Jim what in Zeus’ left sideburn he was thinking, and Jim spills the beans that HE HAS NO DADDY. This gives Silver a case of the feels and he decides he is gonna help Jim out and learn him a thing or two about LIFE. We also see a scene where Silver yells at Scroop for attacking Jim before the mutiny, and together these scenes set up our PLAN: Silver is going to lead the pirates in a mutiny when they get to the treasure but he is ALSO going to run for the dad of the year of award. Conflicting goals? YES. Will that create drama and tension later? HELL YES.
Pictured: The Bestest of Bros
Guess what kids it is time for a montage! A montage about FATHER/SON BONDING. We see Jim and Silver straight up broing it up and they are like SUCH BROS now you guys. We also see Jim’s father leave him in a flashback because Jim’s father is THE WORST. But Silver-father is THE BEST. We know this because the final scenes of the montage are 1. Jim’s daddy leaving on a boat without him and 2. Silver standing on a boat waving for Jim to join him. COINCIDENCE? I think not. After they both get their friendship rings engraved with the words BROS 4 LYFE they fly back to the ship but WHAT NOW there is a star exploding??? The crew tries to get away from the star and Silver almost falls but Jim saves him because remember they are BROS now but OH SNAP the supernova is now becoming a black hole! They come up with a plan to escape and the captain orders Jim to secure the lifelines which he does, I mean geez they were already secure anyways, why you have to be so bossy captain? BUT Scroop CUTS ARROW’S LIFELINE and Arrow DIES and then after they have escaped Scoop blames this on Jim!!! Jim says it’s not his fault but the lifeline is indeed gone and he is just feeling like THE WORST right now. Silver knows what’s what and sees that Scroop was responsible and just barely contains himself from slapping a bitch, but there is really nothing he can do. I mean Scroop is the only one who knows how to make the good grog recipe, he is kind of important to the crew.
So after everyone else has gone Jim is alone on the deck MOPEING. This is probably a good time to bring up the fact that Jim’s clothes are actually a mood ring! You see when Jim is in full on rebel mode he always wears his leather jacket and has dark rings around his eyes because HE IS A LONER but after broing it up with Silver the jacket and dark rings disappear. This is because he is finally opening up to a new non-loner-asshole way of life! However after Arrow’s death it is JACKET ON time because he has just FAILED again and he is worried about being a FAILURE and this lifeline faux pas just confirms his failure fears! HOWEVER Silver’s daddy senses are tingling and he goes up to the deck to find Jim being an emo kid. Jim tells him SCREW EVERYTHING because he will always be a failure FOREVER. But Silver is like ‘NO JIM YOU ARE MY BESTIE AND THE COOLEST BRO IN THE WORLD!!!’ This makes Jim tear up because for once in his life he has a daddy that is not a COMPLETE ASSHOLE. Jim goes in for the hug and Silver is like ‘whelp ok, that dad of the year award isn’t going to win itself’ and they HUG IT OUT. They are just totally solidified as best bros 4ever now. This scene is just so emotional you guys that it is starting to feel like a midpoint. But if it is a midpoint…then the plan is going to completely change and probably everyone is going to be screwed over somehow??? OH SHIT SCROOP SAW THE BRO HUG.
We fade to the next morning where Jim and Morph are up to shenanigans! Jim chases Morph into a ‘perp’ barrel (why do you hurt me with these made up words Disney?) and apparently the rest of the crew can teleport because less than a second later they are all standing around the barrel having a SERIOUS DISCUSSION! And this discussion is about Jim! Silver says Scroop needs to CALM HIS GODDAMN TITS and stop murdering people until they’re ready for the mutiny, but Scroop counters that the only reason Silver is holding off on the mutiny is because he is worried about Jim. Silver cannot let this slide because these guys are PIRATES and if they see any weakness they will DESTROY THAT SHIT so he tells Scroop that Jim is just a poser tool and he never liked him anyways and then he THROWS AWAY HIS FRIENDSHIP RING! Well let me tell you Jim is just CRUSHED. I mean he saved up two weeks allowance to buy those rings! But also now not only has his real father abandoned him, but his surrogate father has too. Also he is probably going to be murdered by pirates. Those last two things might be a contributing factor.
Somebody shouts LAND HO and it turns out they have arrived at Treasure Planet! Jim runs to warn the crew BUT he runs into Silver and they have a FACE OFF. They both get into a fight because now they are ENEMIES but Jim gets away and warns the captain and doctor! Silver decides it is time for MUTINY ON and the pirates rebel! However Jim and crew still manage to get away, but not before he and Silver fight over the map, and even though Jim gets the map Silver just cannot shoot him because secretly THEY ARE STILL BROS IN THEIR HEARTS. Also all of the hard to animate characters die? That was probably just a coincidence (NOT).
So Jimbo and the gang make it down to Treasure Planet but they have been hit! And the captain is injured! And the pirates are after them! And it turns out the map wasn’t the map it was Morph! So now they are SCREWED. Jim goes off to look for somewhere to hide and it turns out SOMEONE IS FOLLOWING HIM. I feel like this is a missed opportunity because we know he is being hunted by BLOODTHRISTY PIRATES so they could’ve ramped up the tension of MAYBE JIM IS GOING TO DIE YOU GUYS like have the pirates chasing him and he is kidnapped by someone who we think is a pirate but is not or at least make it ambiguous but instead one second later we are introduced to a character who is actually WORSE THAN DEATH. This guy is a robot named B.E.N. and he is fueled purely on the essence of ANOYANCE. I feel like this is really where the two tones are most obvious; on one hand we have Jim who has just been betrayed by his bestest bro/daddy figure and is fleeing for his life and on the other hand we have a spazzy robot who is crackin’ wise about having to go to the bathroom. THESE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE THINGS! Any tension built up around the murder pirates is gone because how am I supposed to be afraid of anything when there is a ROBOT CRACKIN’ WISE ABOUT HAVING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM??? But I digress.
J-dawg and the posse go to hide out in B.E.N.’s pad but WHAT NOW the pirates find them! Silver wants to real talk with Jim so Jim goes alone to speak with him and Silver says that if he gives him the map they can share the treasure and be BROS 4 LYFE again, like they can buy new friendship rings and everything will be better! But Jim is like NUH UH and has just been burnt too bad you guys, he doesn’t trust Silver anymore! (Also ‘Drabloon’? Whyyyyyy) So Silver is like WELL THEN I’M JUST GONNA TAKE THAT SHIT and vows to steal back the map because he doesn’t know that Jim’s map was really Morph! Silver says the treasure is owed to him which I wish they would’ve elaborated on because his history with Flint helps give more motivation to his obsession, which is always nice but I’m gonna let it slide because owed to him or not it is still TREASURE and as we have established, treasure is the BEST. Meanwhile Jim goes back to the hideout and is like UGH YOU GUYS WE ARE SO SCREWED!!! Now as being totally screwed is a hallmark of the Act 2 climax/ALL IS LOST moment, and because Jim literally says they are screwed you could say that this is that moment. But there is also a scene two scenes later where SPOILERS: Jimmy and the jets are captured by Silver! Which I also think is pretty bad news for them, maybe even WORSE news, so that could also be our Act 2 climax. I dunno you guys, they’re so close that it doesn’t really matter that much, it’s your life so choose whichever you want. The theme though is that Jim is up shit creek without a paddle.
BUT back to our story Jim finds a SECRET PASSAGE that allows him to sneak back to the ship so he can get the map! He takes B.E.N. because he is probably hoping to use him as a living shield incase he runs into any pirates but OH SNAP because that exact thing happens but B.E.N. is off being a dumbass and is unavailable for shield duty! Jim is confronted by Scroop and they have a SHOWDOWN. They fight until Jim is stuck out on the mainmast and is reaching for a gun to shoot Scroop in his STUPID FACE but he misses the gun! This makes things even more intense because we all thought ‘oh ok a gun, I bet Jim will shoot Scroop in his stupid face.’ BUT THEN HE DOESN’T?! So now we are like HOW WILL JIM GET OUT OF THIS ONE??? And it turns out he gets out of this one by KICKING SCROOP INTO SPACE. This is a new twist on the ever classic Disney ‘falling death’ because this time Scroop is FALLING UP. Then after Jim takes care of business B.E.N. reappears and they get the map. This begs the question, what is the point of B.E.N. in this film? Because it is defiantly not humor. He contributes literally nothing to the plot (I think Jim could’ve found a sweet hideout on his own you guys) so what is the point of him? It’s not like we have any investment in him because he just waltzed onto the scene five minutes ago and Re: has done nothing. Every second he’s there just halts the plot.
BUUUUUT when Jim-jam and the team get back to their aforementioned sweet hideout GUESS WHAT? Remember that thing I said would happen? IT HAPPENED. Silver has captured everyone and now he has captured Jim too! Now he takes the map from Jim, but for some reason he can’t open it! Only Jim can open it! Wait what? Ok so think back to the beginning of our tale when I said that for some reason only Jim ever opens the map because apparently he is a GENIUS but that was only ever mentioned once by his mom? Look I’m sure Jim’s great ‘n all but I have seen moms call their kid’s paste eating habits signs of genius so I’m not sure his mom is the best recommendation to go by. Also we never really see him doing anything geniusy? I guess he built his first solar surfer when he was eight but I NEED TO SEE IT WITH MY OWN EYES. If I hadn’t heard his mom say he was the next Stephen Hawking I would have no clue Jim had any thoughts not relegated to loner fashion trends. So it feels a little weird.
BUT this means that if Silver wants the map, he has to take Jim! SO HE DOES. They are following the map through the forest until they come to a DEAD END and it looks like GAME OVER for our treasure quest. The pirates are pretty broken up about this and they all decide killing Jim will make them feel better, but Jim puts the map into the ground and it opens up a GIANT DOOR. It turns out the map is also a KEY which opens up portals to the UNIVERSE and this is how Flint could teleport anywhere stealin’ treasure. They open up the door to the core of Treasure Planet or excuse me the ‘centroid of the mechanisim’ giadsivdjkvbJh and then they go inside and they are now on a giant mini-planet made of TREASURE. This treasure pile has shooty lasers coming out of it for no other reason than because it looked SO SWEET in the concept art but it’s ok, I know what it’s like to get those urges where sometimes you just have to put lasers on shit.
Now Silver has finally gotten his ‘goal’, the thing he originally wanted the whole time, like how Jim’s goal was also treasure? BUT secretly Jim’s ‘need’ was that what he REALLY needed was daddy to love him/a future. BUT I DIGRESS. Silver is just so happy you guys, it’s like he got a puppy made of rainbows and a chocolate unicorn all in one day. HOWEVER it turns out that this treasure is BOOBY TRAPPED and now the whole planet is going to EXPLODE! The weird thing about this booby trap is that it is a single red laser tripwire? Like what if they had just stepped over the laser? Couldn’t they just be Scrooge McDucking it up with no worries then? That’s not what happens though. THEY ARE ALL GONNA DIE. Jim revives Flint’s old boat and gets ready to PEACE THE FUCK OUT but SILVER JUMPS ABOARD! Jim is still upset about the friendship ring and wants him to STEP THE FUCK DOWN but Silver is prepared to do anything for shiny shit. He and Jim fight but then Jim falls onto a cliff and HE IS GONNA FALL INTO A VAT OF MOLTEN GOLD which is actually probably a pretty sweet way to go, but apparently Jim isn’t ready to check out yet so he is unhappy with this development. Silver isn’t happy with this development either because Re: deep down they are still BEST BROS 4EVER so he tries to save Jim, but he can’t reach him while still holding on to the treasure! Now Silver has to literally choose between his old goal (TREASURE) and his new goal (BEING BEST DAD [also that pretty sweet award]) and he chooses…TO SAVE JIM!!!!
So I forgot the mention but incase you didn’t know we are officially in ACT 3 which is the full shift to the hero’s new goal/way of life (Jim is no longer a douche because he learned not to be an asshole from his new daddy!) and also all payoffs are final because it is time for SHIT TO GO DOWN. And shit does indeed go down; the planet is blowing up but the ship isn’t going to escape in time! Jim and Silver are reunited with the doctor and captain but since they are all screwed anyways nobody really cares. BUT Jim has a plan to SOLAR SURF THEIR WAY TO FREEDOM! He builds a solar surfer with the help of Silver (they are working together because they are BROS again!) and flies it back to the portal to open a new door to the spaceport and the ship flies through and EVERYONE IS SAVED! So now Jim is officially a HERO and defiantly not a LOSER/FAILURE because he just saved everyone from becoming barbeque, and also the solar surfer build was a pretty smart idea so I guess maybe he is a genius? Too bad I didn’t know about that earlier.
HOWEVER now Silver is going to peace the fuck out because he, like Jim, is not a fan of the slammer. Jim sees him trying to escape, but decides to let him go because that’s just what bros do. This is actually a very significant thing, because it means that Silver never fully picks a side on the villain vs. hero team. Allow me to explain; Silver does some bad shit, but the movie never says SHAME ON YOU SILVER and throws him in jail and makes everyone cry a single wounded tear in the memory of his horrid deeds. Silver also does some good shit, but the movie never has him stick around chillin’ with the good guys or has everyone say OH MAN SILVER YOU ARE THE BEST NOW. Silver just straight up peaces out, so his character is left hanging in both camps. HE IS BOTH A HERO AND A VILLAIN. This is incredibly rare for most films BUT FOR DISNEY? That shit is practically UNHEARD OF (remember in Frozen when all of a sudden Hans was EVIL? Wouldn’t it have been more interesting if he had genuinely cared for Anna but didn’t give two shits about Elsa? Wouldn’t that have added some CONFLICT because the man Anna loves and who loves her is also attacking SOMEONE ELSE SHE LOVES? [in this scenario Kristoff does not exist. Sorry Kristoff, I still love you bb] Whatevs, the moral of the story is that moral ambiguity in stories is AWESOME). So the fact that they stuck to that element of his character is pretty cool.
Silver and Jim hug it out one more time and Jim tells Silver that he sees a future for himself now, so he has officially come FULL CIRCLE and achieved his ‘need’. Silver decides to give Jim Morph which allows our little blob a purpose because by Silver giving Jim his beloved pet it shows that Silver really does love Jim and that they are truly the most truest of bros. Then Silver leaves, and Jim rebuilds the inn with a handful of treasure, and he goes to the naval academy and he is BACK ON TRACK WITH LIFE. We see that the doc and captain have had a litter of mutant babies, and Jim looks up to the clouds and sees the image of Silver watching over him like a benevolent Eye of Sauron, and all is right with the world.
So overall I think Treasure Planet is actually pretty awesome. They hit all of the tentpole scenes strongly, and the core of the film (Jim and Silver) works surprisingly well, even at some points (GASP) improving on the book in my opinion. The problems arise when Disney starts worrying that a dramatic or quiet scene won’t hold the attention of little kids, so they throw in a WHACKY FART ALIEN or A ROBOT AFFLICTED WITH SPEECH DIHERRA. These scenes really bring down the rest of the film simply by providing obnoxious distractions from the core story, and every time one of them crops up I feel like I have to take a pause from this cool adventure film I’m watching so I can wait through this random tangent that contributes nothing. Remember how in Beauty and the Beast there were no fart jokes? Or desperate appeals to the teenage demographic? Remember how also that was the first animated film to ever be nominated for an Oscar and it is just generally considered THE BEST? I feel that like many teenagers Disney during this phase was just lacking confidence in it’s own ability, and if they had just had the balls to trust in a serious attempt at storytelling instead of pandering to the lowest common denominator because I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED YOU GUYS! YOU LIKE FART JOKES RIGHT? AND SPORTS??? Ahem. Then maybe this could’ve really shone as one of the great classics. But as long as you can look past the schlock, I think what was got is still pretty sweet too.
NEXT WEEK: Hunchback of Notre Dame: REVENGE OF THE SIDEKICKS
(All images © Disney)
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